Bye Bye Birdie..

I feel like I am following the take a break trend that I have seen over at "reflections of a Godly girl","intent", "everyday mommy"...... I need to focus on my real life, my real kid and my real hubby. I love to read the blogs that are out there but I am having a management issue with the time warp that comes from too much time at the computer....
I am signing off indefinitely. Sarah

Mourn with those who mourn

This morning I read this article purley by chance, putting my selfpity into perspective. It is from a great e-newsletter called "The Imperfect Parent" Be real- I want to strive to suffer and rejoice with those around me. Relating in the emotion, not a fix or a feel better......sharing the burden.

Not Another Flower By Alice J. Wisler Print this article | Email this article Photo: Ralf Hirsch There was a day when the sun ceased to shine. You may have missed it; it didn’t make the headlines of any national paper. February 2, 1997, to most, was only Groundhog Day. For me, it was nothing as trite as whether the furry creature did or did not see his shadow. Forget the promise of spring, what did it matter now? My life as I dreamed it stopped when my four-year-old laid lifeless in my arms. How I remember those early months after his death. I wanted to be like my Victorian ancestors and wear black, even a veil. Then my clothes could shout to my neighbors, those in the grocery store lines, and the many at church -- look at me, I am a parent doing the impossible: living without her child. I remember those who helped us as we put one foot in front of the other on the rocky path. My husband, three children, and I couldn’t walk it alone. Friends, with embraces as strong and wide as eagle wings, circled us, cried with us. They brought meals, sent cards, provided listening ears, and took care of our young children. Then there were those uncomfortable with our grief. During the first weeks they joined our tears, but as the months dragged on, their expressions and subtle hints were shouting, “Get back to normal. Look at the joyous side of life. Heal your broken heart!" For some reason, as you may know, people put a timeline on grief. I think the general consensus is that you’re only allowed two to three weeks of sorrow. When you are new to grief, even simple tasks can be laborious. Your energy and patience levels are low. But hear a comment or two that is completely out of line for anyone to say, and suddenly, you are propelled by anger. How can I forget the older lady in our church that called me every day for two weeks? She’d start off by asking how I was doing. My guts felt like they were stripped out of my body and my heart, mangled. I’d say, "It’s hard." One afternoon this woman told me with all the sincerity she could muster, "God needed another flower in his garden in heaven and took Daniel." I nearly dropped the phone. This was supposed to provide comfort? I eventually did hang up, but politely. My frustration flared. I got a lot of laundry done that afternoon -- throwing clothes into the washing machine, banging the lid shut, flinging socks and shirts into the dryer. I am bolder now. When people tell me certain lines, aimed to help me and they don’t work, I let them know. My new mantra is, "Cry with me. Don’t pretend you understand why my child died. Don’t try to rationalize why my son was diagnosed with cancer at the age of three and died at four." Those who have helped are the ones who continue to remember his birthday and think of how hard it is to live the holidays without him. I appreciate the friends who join me at the cemetery, named by my children “Daniel’s Place”, and lift a helium balloon into the sky with me. Watch it soar. I believe my son is vibrant and alive in Heaven now. I hope the balloon reaches him. Don’t tell me it pops when it gets out of sight. Let me be like a child and not know the laws of the stratosphere. Let me wish he knows how much I love and miss him. Let me believe he is alive and touching the face of God. The sun does shine again in my world. Although the hole in my mother’s heart is always present, I’m grateful for the times I can tell Daniel’s story. Remembering him, writing about him, even sharing his jokes with those I meet, brings healing. I place flowers at his grave. But Daniel is not another flower.

As the days go by

Some days just crawl by and some went so fast I am sure I missed them entirely. Why is that I wonder? I want to have my eye on my homeland, Heaven.

I think that if I expect too much predictability or routine I might become more complacent in the everyday. I forget daily who I am in Christ, and all that my new life means. I believe that life is to have joy and hope today, as well as in the future. I am so glad that it is not just in the here and now... that my joy will be full and complete and eternal with God in Heaven.

Today I feel desperate to be at peace.... Joy and hope may come later..... I need peace, not in the situation but in my heart, the kind of peace that comes from the HS. This is a day for me that seems to crawl by as I cling to the things that the Liar cannot get to.

We have a mouse somewhere in this house, so I can relate to sister love about the fear and laughter that it brings. I had my hubby awake and out of bed each and every time it moved all through the night. What did I think, that he was going to catch it!? It is stuck in the ducts for the furnace! You can hear all night.... tap click click click until he reaches a vent cover then it tries to claw its way out. Now it is Sept. and cold but I don't want to have a cooked mouse in the vents. We have one vent with the cover off in the kitchen that happens to have a trap next to it, I am not taking the blame for what could happen. The only good mouse aloud in this house has to be a stuffed toy. All was going along well until the hunter in training, Braydon, pipes up

"You kill it, you eat it!"

Back in Blogville

Coming back to bloggville has been a little intimidating, as the more blogs that I read the less I feel I have to say. So many great encouraging words out there.... the possibilities are endless.

I am off the Big City.
I am not prone to anxiety but I have it.....Please pray for me. Travelling on the day that brought heart ache to the world is hard also. I hold dear the memories that cause my eyes to tear for all those sons and daughters that were killed this day 5 years ago.
Pray for the unforgiveness that I am feeling in my heart, that it is brought to the surface.....I do not want to deal with it but yet I have to obey. I want to grow in the Lord. I want a deeper relationship with my Jesus...... I think too often I put up a really good front and know one know that inside I am desperate for the water of life! I know that I thirst for more of you Lord!

Saved by Grace
Sarah

YOU KNOW YOU'RE REALLY A MOM WHEN...

This is the Early Tuesday Edition "you know you're really a mom when..."
that started over at Everyday Mommy and I am just joining in ( as I won't be back on the blogline until Friday).

You know you're really a mom when..... a trip out of town alone is frightening!
You know you're really a mom when.... night time is your favorite time because the wee ones are all sleeping.
You know you're really a mom when.... the only way to describe the lady you met in town was by her children.
You know you're really a mom when.... you miss the smell of a baby.
You know you're really a mom when.... word that your mother said to you are coming out of your mouth when you promised that you would never would!
You know you're really a mom when.... the love that you feel for those little angels is indescribable.
You know you're really a mom when.... you appreciate other mothers as well as your own.
You know you're really a mom when.... the kid having a fit in the grocery store doesn't bother you at all.
You know you're really a mom when.... You know that the purpose that God has given you is wrapped a sticky smile that asks if God is a Veggie?
All the days that happened before my kids does not compare to the joy and the love that they have brought to my life.

Bright Lights, Big City

This journey of mine is a little frightening....
One year ago I took a trip to the city alone. I believed that I had left Jesus at home, I believed that I travelled alone. It was an awful weekend away. In my short adult years I was brought to a place where I did not know who I was.....as a woman, as a person, as a child of God. All that I knew of myself was what was wrapped so tightly in the love of a good man and three angelic faces... Sarah had been broken down over the years, covered with dirt and worldly masks..... and so I swore that I would not travel hubby-free again. Yet, this trip is unavoidable and fast approaching. I can feel my anxiety rising. Today I know my God is coming along, and that He does not abandon me, ever. Still the fears of the evil one creep in....

Scripture, prayer, & word of encouragement are greatly appreciated.
I fly on the evening of the 11th to the city and home on the evening of 14th.
_______________________________________________________________________

Just an end note to all those Godly sisters I have out in blogville; Thank you for your daily words of love and encouragement, life hurdles and brain simulators. Your voices echo!

What Forgiveness Isn't

What Forgiveness Isn't
6 myths that may be keeping you from letting go.
by Denise George

I read this tonight before heading to the comfort of my bed and it got me to thinking on the the people and events that still today I struggle to forgive! I tend to forgive and then take it back quite quickly, especially with matters that are deeply rooted in my childhood. This article applied to me, how about you? Do you struggle to forgive? What about to be forgiven? Do you still feel the need to pack around the things that Christ has shed his blood for in your life? The full article can be read at What Forgiveness Isn't on the Christianity Today website.

Myth 1: Forgiving means the offender didn't really hurt you.
Myth 2: Forgiving means you excuse the offender's hurtful act.
Myth 3: Before forgiving, you must first understand why the offender hurt you.
Myth 4: Before forgiving the offender, you must feel forgiving.
Myth 5: Forgiving means the offender will face no consequences.
Myth 6: When your offender is punished, you'll find closure.

The Choice to Forgive

The decision to forgive an offender is probably the hardest choice we can ever make. Some crimes seem too horrible to forgive. Our instincts tell us to avenge the person who caused us pain, not to release him from the debt he owes us. But as Christians, we can't afford to have unforgiving hearts, for we have been greatly forgiven by God in Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

Only forgiveness can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness. "Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long one," wrote Lewis B. Smedes in Shame and Grace. "We may need some time before we get to the station of complete healing, but the nice thing is that we are being healed en route. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free was us."

Forgiveness ABC's

Acknowledge the hurt. When someone deliberately hurts you, don't try to diminish the pain and its effect on you. Acknowledge your suffering - and express it aloud to God. Scripture promises: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18), and "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).

Blame the offender. If a person hurts you by mistake, she didn't mean to inflict pain, so she needs no forgiveness. But if a person intentionally hurts you, then the pain she caused was deliberate. Say aloud: "I personally blame you, (name of offender), because you hurt me on purpose." Correctly placing the blame readies you to begin the forgiveness process.

Cancel the debt. You've acknowledged the hurt and rightly blamed the offender. Now you're ready to make the willful decision to "cancel the debt" your offender owes you. Find a quiet place to be alone and ask the Lord's help in forgiving the person who hurt you. You might pray the "Lord's Prayer" (Matthew 6:9-13) and meditate on verse 12: "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." After you've prayed and while you're still alone, speak aloud your decision to forgive: "(Name of offender), I've chosen to forgive you for hurting me; I've decided to cancel the debt you owe me." You've now embarked on the process of forgiving the person who hurt you. —D.G.
Forgiveness what a concept! To be free of the burdens of those that I have harmed and those that have harmed me I am so thankfull for the grand design of God's plan and Christ blood.

What gets me out of bed in the morning

"I wanna boiling egg- no oak! "
and My eyes are not even open yet and she is at the side my bed with her pooh blankysippy cup with water in tow demanding food! I need to teach her to hit the ON button on the coffee maker before she get hungry.
I'm up, I guess, but first I try the ol' "Sweety, are your brothers up yet?"
"Nope just me...." she is smiling with her crazy bed-head hair that is always in her eyes.
"Did you have a good sleep or a bad sleep? huh, yeah, cause I had a good sleep!" smile-giggle.
I look at the clock and see that I have no grounds to try to stay in bed, it is well after a decent time to sleep until....okay it's 8:45! Good moms are out of bed by this time whipping up pancakes & coffee..... okay- okay, I am up!

It is not that I like to sleep in, because I don't. Beds are not that much fun to stay in alone! (wink-wink).... My husband's internal clock has him out of bed as soon as he wakes up at 6am. And it is not that I like to go to bed, because I don't, I prefer the night times when all good little people are in bed. The thought of another day excites me with possibilities. When I wake I try to grasp that God has handed me another day and says "try this one on for size, I am not done with you yet!". I try to start the day thanking God for the coffee that consumes my brain, the children that want to talk and talk immediately the moment that her eyes are open.....my feet hit the floor and that is when I remember.......
I am a back pain suffer and I hate to get moving and feel the pain again in this new day when while I am asleep or just waking up I feel normal, healed, whole, human... I do not want to complain God has given me a new day, a fresh TODAY and I am up for the smiles, laughter and challenges. Bring it on


So what is it that get you out of bed? I would love to know.......

Welcome Home

Today as I bask in the glory of God's grace. I have a home to call my own, where I put a pot of coffee on for my Friend and I. We sit and enjoy the good things in life. My Friend listens and we have a great conversation about life.... God.... kids..... mothering. I am overwhelmed. I am blessed. I do not want to say this lightly but I love those little things in life that daily I take for granted. I am surrounded by more things than I will ever need and yet I catch myself wanting for things of this world. That is until I feel the Spirit of the Lord remind me of the treasures that are being stored in heaven just for me. God is encouraging me to trust more in who He has made me to be. Live in faith not in fear. I wonder about the welcome that I will receive when I reach the promise land, when my Dad says "welcome home my child......"

If money and time were no object, what would your ultimate dream vacation be?

First and formost I love my kid & yet thought about leaving them at home for this vacation but then I remembered that $ is no object so I would bring along the babysitter. With my whole family in tow, including the in-laws and out-laws, parents and siblings.... i would love to take a Club Med vacation.

It's just a dream, but a girl can dream, can't she?

How about you?

It's a meme, so jump on in!

Frustrations of Blogging Red-neck Woman
I hate that somedays I want more.....
the double wide is not enough.

I hate that I don't drink more....
I still remember today.

I hate that I know that this is not all there is.....
here is not my home it is my hotel until eternity.

Jet Set To Vancouver

We arrive home from our lil' visit to BC Children's Hospital for Mack and he is fine. We will return in January to recheck the growht of the bump/lump that is mainly cartilage. His wonderful Dr. Alverez is very confident that what he has is of no concern. He had a CT scan this am to assure us all. Praise the Lord for the blessing of healthy bumps!

A Meme for Book Lovers

Okay I've been tagged by the orgjunkie and I have not a clue as to what the heck meme is or tagging so I will wing it, here it goes.....

1. One book that changed your life: the Bible. I am saved by the living word of God daily. Brought back to grace, lifted out of self and restored, renew and refreshed by the living water that flows from the pages.

2. One book that you've read more than once: the Narnia series. I refuse to see the movie because I do not want to ruin the books for me.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island: Definitely my Bible! AMEN Sista!

4. One book that made you laugh: I cannot remember...I know that I laugh a lot I am just not sure that I read funny books other than childrens books. THis picture makes me laugh, not only because I CANNOT figure out how to turn it but also be cause my 3 year thinks she can read like her BIG brothers do!

5. One book that made you cry: You Are Special, by Max Lucado. A childs book I know but we are all God's children and the message it to all young and old.

6. One book that you wish had been written:the Oprah story, maybe an autobiography

7. One book you wish had never been written:A Million Little Piece! Memoirs or not it was bad!

8. One book you are currently reading:Pratical Sex Tips for the Christian Husband. The hubby is reading it too. We don't talk about it much..lol

9. One book you've been meaning to read: Sheet Music. It is on the same subject as the previous book. It is also written by a christian author.

Either kids books or sex books that is an interesting fact that I had not seen before. I wonder what that means......I should ask my therapist when I get one. I am not sure how the tagging works so I will refrain until next time.
END NOTE: I love the smell of a new book too! Laura you are not alone!

We are back from our summer of adventure... and summer is already 1/2 over YIKES!

In June we were in my home stompin' grounds, Fort St John, for 2 weeks. We being my 3 children and I, my gal pal and sister in Christ, Kim and her 2 kids, plus my sisters 2 girls that we picked up along the way, from Prince George. You know that you are in the true north when entering town there is a sign saying

-Sporting Goods! - Hunting, Fishing and Camping Supplies!-

with a big picture of a mule deer with a Boon and Crockett rack! Being from the north I come by the red-neck girl thing' honestly. The trip is 13 hours in total, 7 hours east to Prince and 5 hours north to Taylor, which is about10 min. out of FSJ. We swam in all sort of water, 2 pools, 2 rivers, 1 lake and a water fight buckets. We were fortunate to have great weather and wonderful hospitality. We ripped it up in the Goodlow area! Tore up the buffalo fields -quite literally we drove through a friends herd of buffalo..... it was pretty awe inspiring to feel so small. The raw desire to own land, have a garden and maybe a buffalo or two..... (okay that might be too far), but it did get me thinking about what I want and who I am in God's eyes and my desire to honor what he has designed me to be.
Back to the trip: My Mama took a break and decided on coming home to Kitimat with us...... we stayed a couple of days in Prince George, with my sister, Jan.
Jan and Jack are both amazing people, there is none better... they both are so great! Both work full time and have a home with 5 acres, a rent-a-dog and cat that is perpetually pregnant and 7, sometimes 8, sometimes 9 kids.... she used to have 3 kids & he used to have 4... now they have 7 in total.... they have it down to an art.... plus they are host to a sympathy squatter, who has been there since x-mas! His 2 children come for visits on weekends... but that story I will save for another day. Needless to say when we roll to town with our extra mouths to feed and heads to lay down there is a house full but they are gracious and good hearted.

So my mom was here for 2 weeks, one of which we went out to Kemano. Kemano is a 2 hour boat ride down the channel from Kitimat where Rick works at the power house. We were home from Kemano for ONE night and then off onto the start of our family vacation. Dropped my ma off in Prince George at my Grandma and headed straight through to Quesnel. I do not want to talk about that, I will just say cheep motel on the highway and a 5am wake up call... the up side is that we arrived in Vernon to Harry's place at a great time. His real name is Elroy, but we call him Harry for short. Harry calls Rick Harry also so it gets kind of weird from there.
Friday we went to the Resort at white lake which is between Salmon Arm and Sorrento. A nice quite little place that is until we showed up! 27 of us in 5 cabins and one camper. It was wonderful. 42 degrees! An ice machine, plenty of beer and soda, great food, and family what more could a person ask for. There were turtles in and ducks the lake and so the little ones loved that! Most all of the day was spent basking in the sun in the comfort of the floating toys. Good times! We spent until Monday at the resort and then it was off to Trail for the remainder of the 2 ½ weeks.
In trail we just hung out and at and lounged. I should say that the kid and I hung out and lounged, Rick did a ton of work around his ma's home as well as at the neighbors yard. He is such a good hearted man. We had no schedule and no plans. It was great. I was able to hit the best sales at the thrift and consignment stores...... I love a fabulous bargain.
On route home we stopped in at Sicamous to visit a couple of my uncles. Jake who lives in Sicamous works as a dock builder/designer. Check out www.envirofloat.com to see some amazing work that he has done. The other uncle is Ali, and he and his family were up the lake at the shack for the week. (shack... huge georgous log home!) So my amazing cousin Ashley, Ali's oldest daughter, took us up there by boat the next day. What a life! He has a beauty of a new Malibu boat that made me look cool and 21 again! No one was actually looking' at me with Isabelle and Ash in the boat anyways!

Home from the SUNNY SIDE of BC......Aren't holidays the greatest!!
Will update this thing soon. My awe and honor to those who blog regularily.

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing
and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake,
the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.



MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Proverbs: "Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be  happy" (Proverbs 16:20).  Seems to be coming across loud and clear.......
Wrapped up in GOD is my srength, security, and satisfaction..... Wrapped up in GOD is all I need for life and godliness.....Wrapped up in GOD I'm a happy camper!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives "duties".

Terry had married a woman from America.

And bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Australia.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

Jeff, the third man, had married a Canadian girl.

He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye - enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper!

Just a passing fad.....

I am amazed at the fact that so many of us parents encourage, endorse and support the fads of today. Weather it be webkinz, peek-a-poohs, brand name wheeled shoes, or organized rec. programs....

I know that being brought up a generation ago we were poor and I knew it. Okay we were poorer than that, wrong side of the tracks, tailer trash..you get the picture. So today, I want to give my children everything;
I struggle to let them earn IT
I detest the wining tactic they use to speed up the process to obtaine IT
I hate when they do not appreciate IT
drives me crazy two days later forget-neglect-loose or break IT
& to top it all off they ask for the next IT! .... I am the maker of my own crazy cycle and I must like the ride or I would have got off by know! Then I am brought back to the cabbage patch kid craze of my youth.... Oh the days! I remember that my parent were somewhat accomidating .... to a reasonable extent, "if it don't take the beer money than okay, she can have it." lol! I was loved!

Still figuring things out.....

I thought by year 8 I would have a handle on things in the married life department, but whoaaa, I do not!... Rick is still a huge mystery to me..... God love him ... Point of the story is
~DON'T START SMOKIN' , IT WILL KILL YOU....OR YOUR WIFE WILL!!!!!!!~

Twice in one day you would think that I have nothing better to be doing....

Big daddy comes home from Kemano tomorrow. That means that I have a whole house to clean, plus I have to get gussied up so he know that I have missed him.......which is true, I have missed him... some of the time. It is the hardest thing as well as the easiest thing having Rick home for a week and then gone for a week. The best of both worlds.

Coffee'd with Kim this am (surprise)and we both started a blog, again thanxs to sista love. I am quite surprised at how stupid proof some of this stuff is. atta-boy computer people. I figure if I can figure my way around this anyone can. I am wanting to get the pics to go with it next so with mothers day just around the corner, HINT! HINT! Rick that is your cue... digital camera....go buy my own I know. While at coffee with Kim & sista Love we were talking about independance vs interdependance. And how we refuse to ask for help in order to maintain the apperace of strength or image. I am right in there not asking for help, doing it all by myself, so that I am maintaining the apperance that all is "fine"! I need help....

wow!!!!! I am bloggin' ! Thank goodness for sista Love or I would be stuck in the dark ages. I am movin' on up into the fast lane with this whole bloggin' thing.

Where to start.....A funny Rick story.....lol....
Only my hubby would witness a moose suicide.....Yes, a moose suicide!....Yesterday out in Kemano he was coming around a bend in the road and startled a bull moose! Surprised, the moose turned for a quick getaway....it ran right off the edge of the bridge..... that just happened to be over a set of mountain waterfalls.....That is where the moose plunged to its untimely death. So now how do I ask "How was your day dear?" anything after yesterdayjust sounds ordinary.
Only in Morettiville!