What Forgiveness Isn't

What Forgiveness Isn't
6 myths that may be keeping you from letting go.
by Denise George

I read this tonight before heading to the comfort of my bed and it got me to thinking on the the people and events that still today I struggle to forgive! I tend to forgive and then take it back quite quickly, especially with matters that are deeply rooted in my childhood. This article applied to me, how about you? Do you struggle to forgive? What about to be forgiven? Do you still feel the need to pack around the things that Christ has shed his blood for in your life? The full article can be read at What Forgiveness Isn't on the Christianity Today website.

Myth 1: Forgiving means the offender didn't really hurt you.
Myth 2: Forgiving means you excuse the offender's hurtful act.
Myth 3: Before forgiving, you must first understand why the offender hurt you.
Myth 4: Before forgiving the offender, you must feel forgiving.
Myth 5: Forgiving means the offender will face no consequences.
Myth 6: When your offender is punished, you'll find closure.

The Choice to Forgive

The decision to forgive an offender is probably the hardest choice we can ever make. Some crimes seem too horrible to forgive. Our instincts tell us to avenge the person who caused us pain, not to release him from the debt he owes us. But as Christians, we can't afford to have unforgiving hearts, for we have been greatly forgiven by God in Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

Only forgiveness can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness. "Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long one," wrote Lewis B. Smedes in Shame and Grace. "We may need some time before we get to the station of complete healing, but the nice thing is that we are being healed en route. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free was us."

Forgiveness ABC's

Acknowledge the hurt. When someone deliberately hurts you, don't try to diminish the pain and its effect on you. Acknowledge your suffering - and express it aloud to God. Scripture promises: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18), and "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).

Blame the offender. If a person hurts you by mistake, she didn't mean to inflict pain, so she needs no forgiveness. But if a person intentionally hurts you, then the pain she caused was deliberate. Say aloud: "I personally blame you, (name of offender), because you hurt me on purpose." Correctly placing the blame readies you to begin the forgiveness process.

Cancel the debt. You've acknowledged the hurt and rightly blamed the offender. Now you're ready to make the willful decision to "cancel the debt" your offender owes you. Find a quiet place to be alone and ask the Lord's help in forgiving the person who hurt you. You might pray the "Lord's Prayer" (Matthew 6:9-13) and meditate on verse 12: "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." After you've prayed and while you're still alone, speak aloud your decision to forgive: "(Name of offender), I've chosen to forgive you for hurting me; I've decided to cancel the debt you owe me." You've now embarked on the process of forgiving the person who hurt you. —D.G.
Forgiveness what a concept! To be free of the burdens of those that I have harmed and those that have harmed me I am so thankfull for the grand design of God's plan and Christ blood.